In the last three months or so I have been betrayed a number of times. I feel hurt most deeply and I’m really not sure what, if anything, to do about it.
The first instance happened while out to dinner, I was chatting with a large group of women when I overheard one of my very oldest and dearest friends say “she just has to comment on everything” followed by “see there she goes again”. When I looked toward the two women concerned I realised they had been speaking about me! I was so shocked that I blurted out “everything ok?” Clearly surprised that I had heard them they both stumbled over a few words and my long time friend said, “Your hair looks nice tonight”. With that I knew they had been talking about me. It took me weeks and weeks to stop thinking about those nasty words and get over a feeling of being wounded and betrayed.
This was followed by a rather nastier number of incidents when a relatively new friend/acquaintance began to undermine me in very public places where confrontation was completely out of the question. It all started a few weeks after I began looking into a new and very exciting venture. Subtly at first, and then rather more blatantly, she would undermine me in front of friends in situations where I was out of my comfort zone and not in any position to defend myself or comment on her behaviour. Finally, feeling totally frustrated by her constanst nasty snipes at me, I very politely pulled her up on a comment she had just made that was totally unfair and untrue, she blustered “oh you know it’s probably just me”. These types of comments have now become far subtler but I can still tell she is doing it by “those” looks you get when someone is talking about you, and you know there not nice things being said.
Finally I had a fight, well an argument, with someone really, really close to me. I can’t tell you how it all started, you never can in those heat of the moment disagreements, but I did suddenly feel their joking about me had gone from ‘funny ha ha’ to ‘hey that’s not very nice’. The person then said something like “ don’t be so sensitive, it’s just a joke”. And to be totally honest I probably was being sensitive but that’s not to say that their joke hadn’t gone way over the line. Any joke involving the word “asshole” isn’t a kidding around just having fun kind of joke, if you ask me anyway.
Now I’m not saying I’m perfect here but in all three cases I had been minding my own business when these comments came out of the blue and all were very hurtful and nasty. I’m not one to stick my head in the sand and ignore a problem, I believe in self-assessment and taking a good look at myself in the mirror to see if I’m the one at fault. And let me tell you I certainly have done that following these comments.
What is most painful about them is that they have come from people that are in that inner circle of trusted friends, the ones you feel are on your side. They have left me wondering who really are my friends and questioning the relationships. I’m also left with an awful feeling of being totally and utterly betrayed.
Perhaps it’s a time of emotional growth for me, a time to let go of some old friendships and see how they float. I know at least one of the people concerned realised the hurt they caused and has apologised, but I’m still feeling unable to get over what they have said.
Gawd what a long post, if you’re still reading bravo! Anyhoo I’ve said it now and I do feel better for getting it off my chest.
I hope you all enjoyed a wonderful weekend and I’ll leave you with some pictures from todays Scrap’n’Stamp Sunday.
TTFN
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October 6th, 2008 - 6:04 pm
You probably could cope without these people in your life. We have a saying here, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’, this would about cover it I think.
Your scrapping/stamping looks so organised and what a good turnout.
October 7th, 2008 - 12:19 am
Oh I hate it when things like this happen. Could it be that there just might be someone who is a bit jealous of you? Rotten apples will spoil the rest of the apples, and they don’t even know it. They just get dragged into it. But, it never hurts to look at ourselves and try to figure things out. I hope things get better for you. My CM consultant has those and I am going to go one of these days.
October 8th, 2008 - 8:56 am
Maddy I saw this when you first posted it but unfortunately did not have time to read it properly and therefore reply properly and wanted to wait until I had that time.
I am so sorry this has happened to you - it is so upsetting and disturbing when we feel what we thought was a secure friendship or situation suddenly turn into something very insecure. I do believe you have a fantastic way of looking at it though and if you can face it and find out what it all means for you then you are doing far better than anyone could expect!
Sending you lots of love and hugs at this time
Amanda xx
October 9th, 2008 - 8:06 am
How upsetting
I don’t have any advice on how to handle things, but I wanted you to know that I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you can resolve the situation one way or the other…. The scrapping looks fun, my mother-in-law would absolutely adore a day like that…
October 9th, 2008 - 5:58 pm
Maddy I’m so sorry that you have been betrayed by ones that you loved and trusted. (((hugs))) I guess not all our friends are as we would have them be. I know, when I joined the church I belong to now, I lost ALL my old friends. Honestly. They still won’t talk to me and ignore me to this day. Hurtful yes, but not the end of the world. At the end of the day I have new friends and I look at it as the loss of my old friends. I think you’re a really special lady. (((hugs))) Love the pictures of your scrapbooking day!! You sure have that well organized!!! Well done you!
October 9th, 2008 - 9:51 pm
Oh dear Maddy how horrid for you.
You know people don’t like change very much and it seems that there is a lot of change going on in your life right now and maybe some of these folk just aren’t very comfortable with it. That might mean that they no longer have a part in your life or it might just mean that the relationships are going to change.
It must be very hard for you feeling that these close friends have betrayed you but sometimes we expect people to be nicer than they really are.
Try not to let it get you down, I for one would distance myself from these people and let them get on with their bitching, if they are truly your friends they will realise how horrid they have been and make amends.
October 15th, 2008 - 11:30 pm
Ah Maddy, sadly you’re in the unfortunate position to be finding out that we’re not all perfect and that there are little currents ebbing and flowing in all of us. Some people, simply put, just can’t deal with new things and changes in their lives, some others, in my opinion, are jealous that you have a new direction, a new interest. You’ll be amazed at how many people crave change in their lives but don’t have the power or the confidence to make it happen, so instead of doing something positive for themselves they take out their own inadequacies on someone else.
Time to move on, as you say, life is too short. It will be their loss entirely.
Hugs, Brenda
October 21st, 2008 - 11:36 pm
HI Maddy
Hi Maddy
As for the first overheard gossip about you. Why worry about it, most of us bitch at one time or another about our friends. I think it is just human nature and if you get upset about what is gossiped about you , we would all be mad. I suspect a lot of such talk is not so much vindictive as venting. My husband has always said it is probably lucky most of us don’t hear what is said about us behind our backs as if you do you would become paranoid.
Karnak